it's dark out there...

...as usual late, I got down late night from my train and I was on my way home on legs.  Few steps on the way the world went dark, oh! That is a current political chaos – power cut.  Are you afraid of the dark is if the question, of course yes because that’s a hereditary gift from our forefathers which is the mother of the invention; electricity and light.  

I beheld myself and walked slowly in the dark.  Few steps ahead, my leg slipped and was about to fall when I placed my foot in a pit. Uff! My heart beats slightly increased.  I felt a slight pain as if something had stung, could be a snake crossing the road and I interrupted it or could be just a stone which popped out from the pit, I thought, okay I need to walk fast.  Somebody dashed me on my chest after few more rigorous steps, somebody walked dashing me.  It pained, my heart beat increased along with my fear.

I kept walking, a baby cried, a child called his mom for help, a bird squawked, dogs howled to make me hear the sound of my heart beats since I could not see anything in the night.  For a fetus in the womb, wet with Amniotic fluid, the heartbeats of the mother is the only sound which soothes and make it sleep and kinesics – science of human gestures – says that that is one reason why we tap our legs when we hold back our emotions and why children sleeps at tapping.  But my heart beats didn’t soothe me rather made me afraid.
 

Somebody came running near me and I could not see one when I stopped but shocked when it barked.  Should I bark back to make him understand that I am not a demon in the dark!  Adding fuel to fire, he barked, oh! That is not apt here; it’s like blowing air at the burning candle in night. 

 I believe in guardian angel, I called them out to help me reach or show me the light.  Let whatever happen, let me fall and get hurt, let the dog jump and suck my blood, let a snake put me into pang with its fang I am not goanna afraid, save me my guardian angel, I prayed and I was shown light – power supply is back.  I wiped my sweat along with my fear and walked as if I am never afraid.

I reached home.  Refreshed, ate, and lied in bed.  

 Replayed whatever happened before last 30 minutes back.  No visions but analyzed all that got registered in my black box – brain. 

I trembled to sustain in dark just for 10 to 15 minutes even after growing up, with strength in body and I wondered how saplings of life – miniature children – and matured trees of earth – elderly people sustain the darkness of being left alone without love and care. 

How did the children who were made orphan will sustain in this concrete chaos – this world.  They have to walk in the dark without light, without somebody to hold them tight.  They might slip and fall into the pit which this society has dug for those who live in darkness.  They might be cheated by love and get a hard hit in their chest in the name of money and treasure.   

They were the fetus who slept in Amniotic fluid listening to the heart beats of their mother until they came to this mortal world.  That was the only thing which soothed them after which, I pray, somebody teach them to pat themselves to sleep.  There are blood sucking dogs here, there are demons that could blow the burning light of confidence and love in their heart.  

Thank God!

There were few guardian angels to save them, though, they cannot be a mom or a dad but they feed them with love, care them with agape (the unconditional love), fuel the lamp and give them the confidence to live the life, teach them the society and make them alive.   

Though we cannot be one among the guardian angels, at least, let us fuel their lamp and salute those guardian angels. 

Come let’s join hands like the feathers of the wings and make those torn souls fly high.

Roses @ Roshini

“Your dress looks too good” I complemented her. “Amma brought this for me” she replied
“Oh! Where is she?” I said.  I felt I should not have asked her this question. “She is in our native” she replied.  “Your ear ring is good” I complemented her to make her feel good.  “Amma brought this for me” she repeated it again. “You look so cute” I complemented her again.
She need not repeat the same response again.  I know her Amma bought her to the world, ouch! Sorry brought her to the world.  “Sweet heart, you Amma brought you to this world, not sure for what reason, and she brought you this home, not sure for what reason, but holding you in my arms, my anterior pituitary gland secretes prolactin”  I want to tell  her which she could not understand.  K. Vidya. Lean, chocolaty, dressed green, and her dress decorated with small pieces of chamikies all over the body, looked like angle in green.  She was the first one to talk to me or at least the one who caught my eyes.
“Do you like me?” I asked her. She didn’t reply but smiled.

I reached 3rd Street, Viduthalai Nagar, Roshini Charitable Trust at early morning eleven (early morning! Of Course it was a Sunday).  I reached the home first, nothing to brag, if I had missed my train which I took on that day, I would have reached only after lunch.  The moment I entered the home my super computer compiling some code (of conduct) so far started throwing exceptions, the reason was; there was an elderly lady in her early forties if my guess was not wrong. Short, pale, wearing a thick gold chain and she was fat, ouch! Sorry she was healthy.   She welcomed me as if I was entering some restaurant.   I waited for some long time; Mohan (Mic) joined me in another few minutes, sorry I have to mention mic’ because I was skeptical whether I could differentiate another Mohan who joined us few minutes later.  Very soon the lunch came in an auto and by the time we shifted the lunch inside the caterer too joined us.
We entered inside the home.  Silence prevailed; all sweet little sweets were watching television.  When we tried interacting,

 “Let all your gang come then you can have interaction with kids, because they will lose interest if they need to repeat it again to your friends” the elderly women interrupted.
We saw a small beauty sleeping at the corner of the room.  We sat close to the sweets and slowly started interacting with them.   K. Vidya came sat with me we started talking not listening to the interaction going around.  Suddenly Mohan tapped me to show something in his mobile.  It was a mentally disabled kid laughing happily when that snap was taken.  “Look, how happy he was when we spoke to him.  It was in Kakum Karangal “Mohan observed.  “Man, that’s a good snap.  I want to take a snap of me this moment and I want to show you how much happy I’m now with these kids” I thought of replying.  Oh! Did I say “mentally disabled”,  I know I should use the correct word “differently-able” but I myself go mentally disabled some times and also I don’t believe in any jargons but love or at least it would not affect even if that rose bud whom I mentioned so –heard.
Few minutes slipped.  Another Mohan and his brother, Bharath, Dinesh, Seshadri joined us.
“Fund is more and enough and just fund is not enough” that was my talk and I wanted to walk my talk and that was one reason I wanted to participate this visit.
Mohan, looking at me, immediately asked “you said you’re not coming”, I replied “I want to walk my talk”.  Nothing to brag about or might be a selfish reason that someone should not tell me I only talk and will not walk what I talk.

All Kidos accepted to switch off the television and got ready to interact with us.  We made everybody to introduce them and asked them to tell what they like.  They all got a honey dipped voice I sensed when they sang.   I observed a mind-blowing, extraordinary dance performance by Priyadharshini.   Everybody introduced them with their initials before their name.  And the how do I tell them that the reason for their initials were the sole reason for them to be there and different from other children’s who sleep next to their Mother - hugging, kissing their Father, fighting with their siblings.
Again the same elderly women intervened to shout “Magesh”.  A honey dipped sweet, sleeping at the corner of the room woke up suddenly and walked to her without attiring anything around him.  She lifted him and kissed.  After one long hour I got some respect towards her.  Every kid called her ‘Amma’.  I felt as if all the kids were under some Stockholm syndrome.  Stockholm syndrome is said to be empathy towards the kidnapers by the hostages.  Minutes slipped and we all loved the interaction with kids. In addition to all the sweet hearts, sweet heart of Mohan (mic) joined us with her friend.
Few minutes later “Time for lunch” announced the elderly women.

When you lift a hungry baby, it would try to hug the bosom and I remember I felt a biting once.  But when I lifted Magesh, he didn’t react as a normal baby.  He pointed his finger towards the elderly women.   He didn’t want to go or react to anybody’s words but her.  Magesh is one year and four months and he was in Roshini home’ from the day two he came to this world.  When we inquired more about him; his Mother was mentally ill and a police man brought him to the home.   “All these honey bunches are born either to mad parent or parent mad” I thought.  Sorry if I’m harsh but; I am not cursing.
I saw Vidya eating in slience next to Priyadharshini.  I went close to her, dashed my head with her and said “you didn’t call me.  Don’t you like me?” she responded with a smile.
Post lunch, kho-kho game was planned in reflection.  We saw some marvelous player among.  Both the Mohans tried to stroll through kids but kids were faster.  Meanwhile Dinesh and Seshadri bought ice creams for the kids. The home in charge told us medicines would help them better.  Most of the kids were affected by cold and mums (dammed! I could not stop telling this, all were affected by their mum’s) so the “Amma” (elderly women/in charge of the home) jumped in and announced “those who were not well don’t take ice cream, but don’t worry, I will keep it in fridge and will give you once you recover from cold”.  She called out the names not well and told them not to take ice creams.  She shouted but I sensed motherly care in her every word.  Even I felt calling her Amma. I saw Vidhya eating ice cream.  I went near to her and asked “you’re eating without giving me” she offered me ice cream and I feed her with her hand.  “I like you” she said after finishing her ice creams.  God! Finally I won her love.  Hmm! It’s tough to win even a small girls love.

 Meanwhile Seshadri disappeared, Kho-kho continued, and a beautiful couple Preethi and Jay joined us. Preethi as usual with her nature made the day of the children with many different games.  Seshadri brought medicines, Mohan (mic) started, biding loud goodbye to all the sweet hearts with his sweet heart.  Dinesh, Seshadri, Bharath too started after their good time in the game and with the kids.   I realized that I should start home.  I was content, happy, et cetra, et cetra.  Preethi & Jay, Mohan and his brother stayed back.

I felt like touching Amma’s feet.  I felt I should take at least one kid home if not Vidya.
Let me try to ‘walk the talk’ some day.

-Let me take all the dislikes’ towards this write-up and dedicate all the likes’ to those kids,
                                                                                                                      -Sathish

Siragugal

That was a plain road, wet after rain, in middle of woods, pleasantness of evening added beauty to it and willow trees stood on both the sides of the road.  Leafs scattered here and there on the wet road, water stagnated between trees, few yellowish leafs and water drizzles hanged in the air without moving or falling down.  In the right most corner, below a tree a pop up raised.  It was an outlook pop up alerting a mail has come.  When we do not understand something we say that it looks like Greek and Latin, even this looked something like that for me; the mail subject was a Greek word ὀρφανός  which meant ‘Orphaned’.  That was the Inception of Siragugal and the mail is from the one whom many a times revitalized  Siragugal since the inception.

I seldom visit an orphanage or an old age home.   I felt people out there where not scientific inventions placed in exhibition for us to visit, or at least it is not the place for us to prove that we are better than those residing there.  Those are the torn souls of life who are in need of peace; they are the caged spirits who need least of disturbance.    A toddler broke all my idiotic ideologies when I visited a home or a school where children are made orphan by their living parents.  His name is Tirupathi,  when I was with my team the air was normal, looked as if everything was fine and children out there were happy, I even wonder whether this how all orphanages will look like! 

I saw a boy who was crying; I went near and asked him why he should cry when all others were happy.  He said he want to go home.  I understood least of what was happening there.  He told me that his parents left him there two days back.  Gosh! This is a school/hostel for orphan children and why the hell should parents leave their child here and go!  Slowly things entered inside my slow processor.  The place where I was is one where children are left orphan by their own parents since they could not offer food and education for them.  This was just one reason which looked okay for me comparing to other reason which the warden of the hostel told me.

Since everybody else seemed fine with their feelings though they have their own pangs for which they are responsible not, I moved close with Thirupathi slowly he started playing and laughing with all of us.  I had lot of emotional feels when I looked the way my team folks moved with those kids.  When it was time for supper, everybody – around 180 children – sat in their own way of seating arrangement.  Supper time started with a 2 minute prayer and we were asked to serve to all 180.  In half the way I was totally tired and could not move an inch.  I went to Thirupathi, he doesn’t look like eating.  I asked him whether he will give me his food.  He feed me with his tiny hands.  Though the feel filled my eyes, the taste has cut my nerves and the throat resisted the food to go inside.  That gave me a lump in my throat, the bitter taste.  Can somebody eat such a bitter food!  That was a bitter punishment God has cursed them than making them an orphan.  Looking at Thirupathi few more kids wanted to feed me.  I didn’t resist, I just allowed that bitterest rice to go inside, my stomach was full, may not be because of the food but with the love of those sweet hands. 

Warden of the hostel started telling me stories of few notable children. For many years I was thinking only children without parents are the orphans but I heard a different version from a man who looks after that school where Gods are left orphan (Oh! Do not we say children’s are like Gods, that is what I meant).  Without father or mother, with mother but no father, with father but no mother, with father and his wife who is not the mother, with mother and her husband who is not the father, with many fathers, WITH FATHER AND MOTHER but still an orphan, let me stop the list which could go bad.  It was too heavy for me in heart to carry those feelings home.  When we started from there I searched for Thirupathi and he came running to me, smiling.  That smile broke all my ideologies into pieces.  I do not know whether those kids are really happy that we visited them but I was very much happy that I made that little kid smile.

Coming back to the inception of Siragugal: the first meeting was to discuss on deciding the name for the group.  When everybody suggested some name I too suggested a name; Kathal (love) and everybody gave me a weird look at me as if I came out directly from some mental asylum.  Okay, time for me to be silent I thought.  Siragual, name which was voiced loud and most agreed to it.  When deciding name was under discussion, a lovely name suggestion came to the plate, Swasam (that was a suggestion from one of our member’s soul mate) which I liked too.  Siragugal – the name for the group was finally decided, whole heartedly.

Two homes was short listed – NEST and Roshini – The first Visit by team Siragugal was to NEST home in Thirumullaivoyal and visit to Roshini home, Kovilambakkam has been lined up.  In between a sudden plan to visit Kakum karangal which is in Palavakam has been decided and that too went well.  I missed both so I do not know how much our people enjoyed being there.  After a short break, visit to Roshini home came again to table and I pushed myself to join our people and had a great time there.  That was yet another soul soothing day with those kids in Roshini.

In detail, we have everything is our Siragugal Facebook Page.  Contact any of the volunteers of Siragugal to join us or use subscribe by email option (top right corner of this page) or visit our facebook page and like it to show you interest so that we could add you into the group.